63 Things That Worry Me More Than My Daughters Being Called “Bossy”

What’s the expression? When a poor person does something weird, they are “crazy”, but when a rich person does it, they are “eccentric”. Something like that.

That same math can be applied to when someone takes up a cause. And we have no shortage of cause-taker-uppers in this country. For example, if you or I, or any other average person stands on a streetcorner shouting “It’s time to [Fill in the blank with whatever pet issue you have here, including pets]!” then most people will walk by thinking, “Whatever, weirdo.”

Over the last couple of weeks, one of the biggest causes to debut has been that of Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg and her “Ban Bossy” campaign. You know…Pledge to not call little girls “bossy” and you will show you are empowering them. This is the kind of stuff rich people do when they feel the need to come up with something to do with their free time: Create an issue out of one that really didn’t exist and no one really cared about.

My daughters. Just after "Frozen" arrived, and just before the bullets began to fly.

My daughters. Just after “Frozen” arrived, and just before the bullets began to fly.

I am not worried at all about someone calling my daughters bossy. Jeez, I gave and took way worse than that all the way through college and somehow managed to survive to become a semi-functional and respectable member of my community. And with a well-stocked liquor cabinet, too. But I have to admit, the “Ban Bossy” talk has gotten me thinking about things that I do worry about, many of which involve my young daughters, who are 5 and 3 and both of whom definitely can be “bossy” on a nightly basis. Often by bossing me around to get them a new glass of milk just as I’m about to cut into the first bite of my steak.

Aside from the issue of trying to impose speech rules on society, I think there are many, many more things to be worried about than whether my girls are called “bossy” at some time. In fact, you might agree with my list of:

63 THINGS THAT WORRY ME MORE THAN MY DAUGHTERS BEING CALLED “BOSSY”

And without further ado…

1. The “Frozen” Blu-ray/DVD/digital copy arriving…And not being able to watch anything else for at least the next month.

2. Running out of coffee.

3. Running out of bacon.

4. Not finding a parking space at the BART lot in the morning.

Minor hand surgery, from start to finish.

Minor hand surgery, from start to finish.

5. The swelling in my finger ever going down after I got it caught in the car door back in January.

6. Potholes.

7. Our three-year-old getting up in the middle of the night. Again.

8. Turning in our taxes on time.

9. Finally getting to watch the season finale of “Downton Abbey”.

10. Staying awake through the season finale of “Downton Abbey”.

11. Our five-year-old’s obsession with the term “booty”.

12. Clearing enough space on my iPad to download the next episode of “Justified”.

13. Whether Guns ‘N Roses will put out a new album. It’s only been 5 ½ years since “Chinese Democracy” came out, after all.

14. The stress of Bay Area weather. I mean, it IS 70 degrees and sunny today. Again.

15. How much pizza I can shove down my gullet at the next kid’s birthday party I have to go to.

16. Russia [Never mind the Ukraine situation. I’m still mad about Ivan Drago killing Apollo Creed in the ring in “Rocky IV”].

17. Running out of Bombay Sapphire.

18. Changing the cats’ litter boxes.

19. Getting those damn books back to the library on time.

20. Dealing with the crowds the next time we go up to Yosemite National Park.

21. 40-something-year-old guys who tool around sidewalks in San Francisco on “Razor”-type scooters like it’s 1999.

22. [Now you have the Prince song in your head, don’t you?]

23. The level of destruction my daughters have left me from this morning when I get home.

24. Paying for our daughters’ college.

25. Before that, sending our five-year-old to kindergarten this fall.

26. All these damn crayons and dried out marking pens they leave everywhere.

27. What’s going to happen to Don Draper in the final season of “Mad Men”.

28. Being able to watch the final season of “Mad Men”…Because two little girls keep smudging their fingers/faces/mouths on the TV screen.

29. Getting out to Costco for some Mexican Coke made with real sugar and in real glass bottles.

30. Not overcooking the pork tenderloin tonight.

31. WhetherPoochie ever made it to the fireworks factory. [If you watch “The Simpsons”, you understand].

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/80231685″>Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user5702181″>Johnny Sasaki</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>

32. Some other kid grabbing my kid’s pants during playtime at pre-school.

33. My three-year-old throwing a fit at the farmer’s market because we won’t let her pick all the pretty flowers on display.

34. How many Seattle Mariners games I can afford to go to when they are here to play the A’s this summer,

35. And then there’s the matter of getting tickets for when the Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks are here to face the 49ers,

36. Making sure I always have enough charcoal on hand for the barbecue,

37. Whether if someday John Travolta will royally screw up my name in front of a televised audience of about 1 billion people.

38. The possibility of paying for two girls’ sets of braces someday.

39. The first time either one of my daughters brings a boy home to meet me.

40. The possibility of paying for two girls’ weddings someday.

41. Whether the SuperSonics will ever return to Seattle.

42. Semi-sweet or dark chocolate for the next batch of chocolate chip cookies.

43. Finding that stuffed toy unicorn my three-year-old lost, and which she keeps asking me about.

44. Now that I am on the BART, trying to find a seat without taking it from a pregnant lady or blind guy and looking like a jerk.

45. Finishing up patching over and painting that small hole in the bathroom wall.

46. Reaching 4,000 “likes” on my Why Daddy Drinks Facebook page.

47. How long I should let my daughters continue to wrestle on the floor before one of them starts crying.

48. Being able to catch up on “Cosmos” tonight.

49. Accidentally turning a ribeye steak from a piece of art into a saddle by leaving it on the grill just a minute too long.

50. Getting a referred buzz from the bike messengers firing up their weed down at Battery and Market Streets in San Francisco.

51. My kids getting lice.

52. The cable bill.

53. The potential for the Seahawks to repeat as Super Bowl champions.

54. The astounding amount of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese our three-year-old can consume.

55. Whether we should drive up I-5 or Highway 101 this summer when we do our annual trip to visit my mom.

56. How I will survive my daughters’ non-stop pleas for chocolate pudding before they eat their dinner tonight.

57. Sitting through another timeshare presentation. While on vacation. At our timeshare.

58. Putting in that artificial grass on the side yard.

59. Remembering to pick up my shirts from the dry cleaners.

60. Taking our daughters on the eventual, and inevitable. first-time trip to Disneyland. [Insert nervous twitch here].

61. Which to get our five-year-old first: A new bike or a mattress for her big-girl bed. A bed which I still have to put together, by the way.

62. There’s only one IPA left in the fridge!

63. My daughters being called “bitchy”.

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